Lost in Translation: Helping Families Understand What Coaches Really Mean
Dear Coach Bryant:
My daughter often comes away from conversations with college coaches feeling like she’s on the verge of receiving an offer. Coaches will say polite things like, ‘We’ll keep watching you’ or ‘We like your potential,’ and she takes that as a strong sign of interest. I’m worried she may be misinterpreting where the recruiting process is actually going. How can we better understand what coaches really mean?
Cautious in Columbus
Dear Cautious:
I’m glad you asked this question, because it touches on some of what I teach my clients about coaching communication. Even when a college coach speaks truth, students tend to hear what they want to hear. Common misunderstandings include:
The Watch List
When the coach says, “We watched you play, and liked what we saw. We’re going to keep watching you,” the typical student immediately thinks they are being recruited. But what that coach is saying (in a nice way) is that the student is on the team’s “B” list. That coach is not prioritizing that student as a top recruit and may never do so. While that coach may continue to watch the student play, there may never be a way for that student to move to that team’s “A” list.
The Transfer Trap
When a coach says, “We don’t know if we’re going to have a spot for you. I’m waiting to hear whether another player is transferring out,” the typical student expects to get an update once that other player makes a decision. However, that follow-up call may never come. What the coach is really saying (in a polite way) is that they’re not willing to make a spot for your child unless a current roster opening appears. Waiting on someone else’s transfer plans is risky, and it can leave a student spinning their wheels with no guarantee of movement.
The Money Mention
When a coach says, “We have great resources for our players” or “Our school opted in to revenue sharing,” the typical student (and often the parent) immediately assumes this means their family will receive significant financial support — maybe even a full ride. The truth is, most programs aren’t fully funded to their roster limits, and even when strong NIL opportunities exist, it only means there is money available to distribute — not that it will go to your student. While I always encourage students to lead the conversations with coaches, I also urge parents to clarify early on whether a school is a financially realistic option for their family.
The Camp Invitation
When a coach says, “We’d love to have you at our camp this summer,” the typical student hears that as proof the coach is recruiting them. In reality, camps are often used as fundraisers for programs, and most invitations go out to a wide list of players. While attending can provide exposure, an invitation alone doesn’t mean your child is a priority recruit.
The Walk-On Welcome
When a coach says, “If you can get in on your own, you can have a roster spot,” the typical student hears it as a golden ticket. But what the coach really means is that the player isn’t strong enough to receive their support in the admissions process. And if they’re not strong enough to get that support, they’re probably not strong enough to get minutes either. While a roster spot may technically be available, it doesn’t guarantee the student will ever play or compete in meaningful ways. A walk-on spot is not always the same as being recruited.
The Reality
“Hope” in the recruiting process is not a strategy. Hope leads students to hear what they want to hear. Coaches may be polite, vague, or even noncommittal, but none of that equals a guarantee. What matters is whether they back up their words with clear next steps — things like setting up a visit, talking about where your child fits on the roster, or outlining financial specifics. That’s why I encourage families to stay in touch with 10 to 14 schools, not just the ones they hope will come through. Focusing on what’s real leads to better choices, less disappointment, and a college decision your child can truly own.
Coach Bryant
