Helping your athlete through a turning point
Dear Coach Bryant:
My son runs cross country and recently told us he wants to quit. He’s a sophomore in high school and has always been active, but he says he’s just not enjoying it anymore. I don’t want to force him to keep going if his heart’s not in it, but I also don’t want to send the message that it’s okay to give up when things get hard. How should we handle this?
— Perplexed in Portland
Dear Perplexed,
Hearing your child say “I want to quit” can send a parent’s mind into overdrive. Are they just having a bad week? Is something bigger going on? Are they missing out on something that might shape their character and confidence down the line? These are fair questions, especially when the sport in question has been a meaningful part of your child’s routine for many years. When a student-athlete wants to walk away, we don’t need to panic—but we do need to pause and proceed with intention. Here are some suggestions for guiding your child:
Finish What You Started
Unless there are serious mental health concerns at play, my first rule is simple: finish the season. Cross country teams depend on each runner—not just for points but for pacing and presence. Quitting midseason leaves teammates in the lurch and erodes a valuable lesson about commitment. It’s not about forcing a child to suffer through something miserable. It’s about helping them learn that you don’t walk away just because you’re tired or it’s not as fun as it used to be. Honor the commitment, and then revisit the conversation when the season ends.
This Is Their Conversation to Have
Too often, well-meaning parents step in to “handle” it for their kids. But part of growing up is learning to speak for yourself—especially when delivering hard news. If your son wants to stop running competitively, he needs to sit down with his coach and share why. You can help him prepare and practice what to say, but the words should be his. This builds accountability, communication skills, and respect on both sides. Coaches don’t expect every athlete to stick around forever—but they do appreciate honesty and maturity.
Keep Moving Forward (Literally)
Quitting a team doesn’t mean quitting activity. You might remind your son that one of your family values is leading a healthy lifestyle. That means staying active, even if the sport or setting changes. Maybe it’s pick-up basketball, a rec soccer league, or solo runs without the pressure of competition. For some kids, the intensity of club sports is what’s wearing them down. In those cases, shifting to a high school team or a more casual environment can bring the joy back. Talk with your son about what’s really driving the desire to quit—is it the competition level, the time commitment, or the team dynamic? There’s no shame in making a change—but there’s power in understanding the “why” before doing so.
Sometimes a Break Is the Right Move
Before you and your son make a final decision, consider whether he might just need a break. Teen athletes are juggling academics, social pressures, and the physical demands of training—it’s no surprise that burnout can creep in. A short pause from the sport (or even a shift to a less competitive setting) can give him the space to recharge and reflect. Many athletes come back with new energy after a little time off. Others realize they’re ready to move on. Either way, stepping back thoughtfully is different from quitting in frustration.
The Reality
When your child says they want to quit a sport, it’s rarely just about the sport. It’s a signal to pause and listen. Maybe they’re burned out. Maybe the environment has shifted. Or maybe they’re simply growing in a new direction. Your role isn’t to convince them to stay or push them out the door—it’s to help them slow down, finish what they started, reflect on the root cause, and make a thoughtful next move. That next move might be a new team, a less intense setting, or just a well-earned break. Whatever it is, the goal is not to avoid discomfort—it’s to model how we navigate it with clarity, responsibility, and care.
